There are two things that I used to use to determine whether someone is a friend or not:
1.) If we both mutually care about each other’s lives to the point that we regularly check up on each other to be updated on what is going on with their lives.
2.) If we both value each other on a non-shallow level.
But the question is, when is it considered shallow or not shallow?
So let’s start with wealth, clout, grades/academic reasons/work reasons, physical appearance, and etc. If someone values you because of wealth, clout, or physical appearance does that mean that they appreciate how hard/smart you worked to get to that point, or does that mean that they just value that attribute because they can benefit from it. For instance, they just value your friendship because they know that by being friends with you, they can harness things that can positively affect them and their reputation too. At the same time, there would also be a good reason why someone would not be friends with you due to the fact that you lack one of those. Possibly because it might indicate something negative about your character. To determine whether these people are even genuine friends, I check whether they do something with you or for you without receiving anything back. Like privately messaging you about a topic your interested in, or something that is going on on your life without anyone outside knowing that that person and you are talking and at the same time will not benefit them anywhere (like for example in work, school, etc.). However, this brings me to another point, whether someone become friends with you only because your funny, entertaining, or maybe because they can talk about an interest they have, or maybe because they have someone to listen to them.
With regards to aspects that involve being friends with you due to the fact that you can entertain them or maybe you listen to them or maybe they want to talk about a specific interest but no one except you have that similar interest, I am not sure how to view this properly. I think this is still very unclear to me. Would it be considered genuine or not? Does liking someone’s personality count as being genuine because I feel like personality would change over time. So if your personality changes, they don’t really stick with you. However, does being genuine friends really mean that friendship should be forever? How about talking to you because they know they can share something with you. Is that considered genuine cause you know they value you being the audience or someone they can have a conversation with? I’m conflicted because I feel like that might not be the case if they have other options.
From my understanding, a genuine friend is a person that cares about your character and how well you are. This means that not only do they care about your personality, but also whether your physically, mentally, physiologically, and emotionally okay.
The more I think about this topic, the more I think that no one is actually a genuine friend. I heard that every single person will only be friends from you if there is something unique that you can provide that no other person can provide. In addition, having built up memories/experiences make it stronger because it is something that you both have that other people (even those who can possibly provide more benefits) cannot provide. I also heard that someone might care for you more because they see some parts of themselves within you (thats why sometimes family are closer than your friends). So being friends with someone might just be intrinsically selfish in nature, and that’s also why I think that it might be useless to think about nor care for. I just started to not care about anyone except for myself and what entertains me and just assume that everyone else is somewhat similar in that they do not actually care about you and only care for themselves. In that case, I wouldn’t have to be worried about losing anyone because no one ever really mattered to me in the first place.
I also tend to overshare or say what I want during conversations because a lot of people have the same value to me. I really don’t care too much if they would dislike me or not because its their choice to stick with me or not. There are exceptions however, like if it is harmful and would be detrimental to my success, I would obviously speak differently. But in a casual conversation, I usually try to be as honest and say whatever is in my mind at that moment. My only obstacle is obviously awkwardness and lack of social skills. But if I had developed these skills and overcome the obstacles, I would most likely speak whatever is on my mind because I don’t really care about burning bridges nor about anyone (as of this moment). I currently have a very selfish perspective of the world and what I value.