This term was the worst for me, in terms of my academic performance. I have been missing deadlines, cramming, and doing badly in tests. Although I have made so much attempts in changing for the better, I keep failing and not really improving. I tried mindfulness, where I spend a chunk of time not doing anything and just observing my environment and listening to my breathing. I did it frequently, sometimes I would even take an hour doing nothing. But that didn’t really improve my productivity. I would also try the pomodoro, time blocking, writing journals, using a to do list, and countless self-discipline/improvement techniques I find in the internet, but they never really helped me much. I find myself usually having such low motivation and energy (except when it’s an activity I really really enjoy), even though I take multivitamins, eat vegetables, meat, and carbohydrates so that I’m not missing any nutrients. I’m doing really badly with avoiding short term pleasures, I uncontrollably consume so much sugar daily and use social media/entertainment apps and websites for huge numbers of hours. I’ve tried doing dopamine detox, or sometimes deleting my apps and blocking websites, muting notifications, but I can’t help myself from reversing these decisions. I feel like 1st and 2nd term was so much easier to be disciplined and be stricter with myself because I had so much drive to succeed. Right now, I feel like I lost a really large part of that drive. I don’t really want to fail because I’m in a really gifted position, where my parents are working really hard to support me. But, my body is just so stubborn and detached with what I think I should do. For instance, when I sometimes decide to do a really difficult assignment, my body would feel so drowsy even with a good amount of sleep. It would take my body so much hours to fight against it and actually get the task done. I tried talking about my problems with my friends, but every conversation I had about it didn’t really seem fruitful so I just avoid it. I also avoid talking about it with my family, since communicating mental health stuff with my parents usually didn’t result to anything worthwhile. I feel like they can’t really understand how I feel because their advice never seem to work for me, yet they keep giving the same ones in every conversation. I desperately want to be better, but I’m having such a difficult time managing self-control and discipline. As a result, I feel deeply frustrated and disappointed that I’m not improving because maybe I’m just really lazy, like there’s no one really to blame for my terrible performance except for myself. For this reason, I accumulate so much self-hatred for not being disciplined enough to do better, especially with how blessed I am in this position.